Those Marketing A-Holes

Everyone has seen A Christmas Story right? I mean that has to be a staple of America's holiday season, right up there with Chuck Jones' How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life (though I still don't understand why this is the penultimate Christmas flick, watch it here in June, it's a whole different film.) You remember that part where Ralphie FINALLY gets his little orphan Annie decoder ring? How he frantically scribbles down the numbers, his excitement building because he KNEW that this would be the message to end all messages? And while he's hiding out in the bathroom (the only place a guy like him can think), his brother pounding on the door, he translates the message, number for letter, and ends up with what? A crappy commercial for Ovaltine. Chocolatey as it may be, who wants an advertisement plug for their secret message? Just goes to show you what heartless bungsniffers advertisement agencies can be. No wonder the world is slowly sinking into depression--considering everywhere we look we're condemned to feel bad about ourselves.

Anyway, what brings on this whole tirade to begin with, is that you'd think that the general market would've seen that Christmas Opus of yesteryear and thought, "What jerks, giving commercials in place of a kid's fun activity." But apparently someone down at Nestle decided that it was a good idea. I don't know about the rest of you, but Gobstoppers are one of the best candies ever. Period. And they always have some stupid little activity on the back of the package. Guess what was on the back of my newest box of sugary sweetness? An Oompa Loompa Cryptogram with a secret message just for me. I can hear you now, "What does it say? What does it say?" I'll tell you what it says, it's a freaking plug for their website: "Check out Wonka's Web site, www.wonka.com." Seriously, what the balls? That's just rude, especially when the answer comes in the form of their additional plug, a tiny logo that says, "Enter the world of Wonka. Wonka.com." I swear, if this wasn't such good candy, I'd boycott the purchase of any more Nestle/Wonka candies... but I can't, I loves the Gobstoppers and Runts.

In other non-hard-candy news, there is a new comic for your viewing pleasure here, and my Incredible Hulk review is up.

(I have to add an addendum to this blog, because, while linking all the fun stops for you to check out along the way, I discovered that Ovaltine is a--get this--NESTLE PRODUCT. Those A-holes are STILL DOING THE SAME FREAKING THING! For serious, make a candy connoisseur want to cap a candy maker...)