I'm Going to Go Ahead and Be a Douche

Unlike yesterday, I do not mean this in a literal way. I'm merely speaking of being an A-hole, a jerkwad, a butthead.

I say this because, as I'm getting ready for my residency, I can't help but compare my work to the others in the same group as me. (I know, it sucks to be them.) And when I do, I think, Man, these people kind of suck. It's pretty much the truth. Douche that I may be for saying as much. I honestly wish that we could come to workshop and just say things like, "This sucks. What were you thinking? How about you find another dream?" Brutal as it may be, the ones being workshopped will just end up hating the bearer of bad news, not the news itself. Or, best case scenario--after someone decks me for saying that their work resembles the dribble emanating from the Teletubbies' mouths--they get so pissed, they think, "I'll show that douche. I can write better than... [insert favorite author here]" Then their dream will be renewed, and they will write the next Pulitzer Prize winning novel.

It's amazing what negative feedback can do for a person. I know. It happened to me. I wouldn't be doing what I am right now, if it weren't for the department head of creative writing that told me my story was "sentimental and juvenile." I got pissed. And what did I do, I thought, I'll show you, Douche. I'm going to keep on writing just to prove you wrong. While I have yet to win the Pulitzer, I have a publishing cred, have only one short year left for my Master in Creative Writing, and my novel is--ever so slowly--nearing it's finish. All of which might not have happened if that guy hadn't been such an A-hole.

So, I guess what I'm saying is Embrace the Douche Within Each and Every One of You. Be a constructive A-hole, and someone my end up loving you.

(Just as a heads up, tomorrow's post will come late--if at all--and next week should be a good surprise for any of you willing to check back. And my review for Hancock is live.)