Friday, June 5, 2009

I've Ruined Everything

I'm letting my nerdiness show on this one--taking the time to create an avatar for an online game that matches the art-style AND color scheme. Wow... I'm a geek. BUT, geekiness aside, I'm quite happy with the final product. Plus, this was one of the most enjoyable artwork production in awhile, and I'll tell you why.

I was talking with one of my friends last night, and I realized that what I've done with my life is basically ruin everything that is, or once was, fun. Through schooling or my taking on a ton of self-inflicted projects (really, I only have one commitment outside my dozens of projects), I've managed to turn all of my hobbies and pasttimes into work.

It sucks.

Because of film school, I dissect most movies I see with a critical eye. Because of my Master in Creative Writing, I can't read a book without noting how, or why, an author is doing what they're doing--and if they're not doing what they're supposed to, it drives me nuts. My art changed from a bizarre pasttime into working on Gibberish, painting for profit, and crafting a graphic novel. And writing, too, with all that stuff with the agent and such, I now feel like I'm doing this for money instead of just for fun.

What makes this all so frustrating though is that it's not like I'm not having fun with each of my projects--my mind just gets too wrapped up on the deadlines, the craft, the "tangible" reason for why I'm doing what I'm doing. Perhaps I just need to take some time off. Push off on some sort of bizarre pilgramige to let my mind settle back down, forget the worldly reasons for what I do, and shift back to just having fun. Because what good are hobbies if they aren't fun?

For the moment though, I've got rockin' out music and an old NES copy of Spy Hunter to keep me entertained. Yeah Spy Hunter... Do do, do do, dunn-a-la do do...

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