Those Marketing A-Holes

Everyone has seen A Christmas Story right? I mean that has to be a staple of America's holiday season, right up there with Chuck Jones' How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life (though I still don't understand why this is the penultimate Christmas flick, watch it here in June, it's a whole different film.) You remember that part where Ralphie FINALLY gets his little orphan Annie decoder ring? How he frantically scribbles down the numbers, his excitement building because he KNEW that this would be the message to end all messages? And while he's hiding out in the bathroom (the only place a guy like him can think), his brother pounding on the door, he translates the message, number for letter, and ends up with what? A crappy commercial for Ovaltine. Chocolatey as it may be, who wants an advertisement plug for their secret message? Just goes to show you what heartless bungsniffers advertisement agencies can be. No wonder the world is slowly sinking into depression--considering everywhere we look we're condemned to feel bad about ourselves.

Anyway, what brings on this whole tirade to begin with, is that you'd think that the general market would've seen that Christmas Opus of yesteryear and thought, "What jerks, giving commercials in place of a kid's fun activity." But apparently someone down at Nestle decided that it was a good idea. I don't know about the rest of you, but Gobstoppers are one of the best candies ever. Period. And they always have some stupid little activity on the back of the package. Guess what was on the back of my newest box of sugary sweetness? An Oompa Loompa Cryptogram with a secret message just for me. I can hear you now, "What does it say? What does it say?" I'll tell you what it says, it's a freaking plug for their website: "Check out Wonka's Web site, www.wonka.com." Seriously, what the balls? That's just rude, especially when the answer comes in the form of their additional plug, a tiny logo that says, "Enter the world of Wonka. Wonka.com." I swear, if this wasn't such good candy, I'd boycott the purchase of any more Nestle/Wonka candies... but I can't, I loves the Gobstoppers and Runts.

In other non-hard-candy news, there is a new comic for your viewing pleasure here, and my Incredible Hulk review is up.

(I have to add an addendum to this blog, because, while linking all the fun stops for you to check out along the way, I discovered that Ovaltine is a--get this--NESTLE PRODUCT. Those A-holes are STILL DOING THE SAME FREAKING THING! For serious, make a candy connoisseur want to cap a candy maker...)

The Pluses and Minuses of Other People's Weddings

Bear with me here as I get a bit sappy. Other people's weddings make you remember your own, give your memory a swift kick in the happiness chops--which isn't all bad. It's good to think about those occasions where life was about as good as it can get, unless of course someone stood up and screamed that they'd knocked up your wife the previous month, or your mother-in-law pees on your dress, or your best man gets thrown in jail during the bachelor's party with you in tow. Sure, things can go wrong, people can get married for the wrong reasons, but it's still a day that you pledge your love, truthfully or not, to someone for life. It's a big thing. And other people's weddings can help your lackluster day shine brighter.

As for the downsides, it all depends on how well you know the bride and groom, and their attendees. Even then, it's going to be boring for everyone but the mothers and grandmothers. For serious, weddings are boring. Especially if you don't really know either the bride or the groom.

If you're wondering, yes, I recently attended a wedding of a couple that I only slightly knew--they were more the friends of my wife. It was nice enough, but only because my wife didn't make us go to the reception. I can lose an hour and a half from my day and not be too peeved. Anything more than two and I start to get pissed. (This all goes back to that selfish part of me I discussed in this blog.) There is only so much boring a guy can take before he wants to start throwing folding chairs into the crowd and see what happens. Though this rarely happens since most of us are born with such wonderful inhibitors that keep us from doing such terrible things. (CURSE YOU INHIBITORS!!! [The camera pans back as I scream into the tiled ceiling over my desk.])

Anywho, @@The Incredible Hulk@@ review should be up soon. So should Logan's review for @@The Happening@@. And expect a new comic tomorrow that will finish up the bit of an arc I had going.

How is This Possible?

I want to know how, by some weird happening, how my boss can bother me MORE while he's on vacation then when he's here in the office. Since his disappearance, I've been receiving epistle-length letters instructing me what needs to be done over the course of the day--many of which don't really apply to my job description.

I think when he can actually see me face to face, he ends up feeling bad about asking me to do these things that he KNOWS are not a part of my job, so he doesn't ask. But, man, once that distance is established and he can just write me a manual for Monday, then let the instructions begin! On the plus side, he is still gone and I can spend my time writing my The Incredible Hulk review, which should post sometime tomorrow.

Tonight should be devoted to the starting of Wednesday's comic, but I'm losing my oomph. This once a week business is taking its toll. Oh, well, I made a commitment, and until something better comes along or another project ousts it, I will continue on with the weekly posts. (Perhaps I will keep things fresh by doing a small side-story that isn't related to the site, but something even cooler. I shall chew this over.)

Until tomorrow...

Surround Yourself with Good Peoples

Once again, my wife and friends have saved me from my writerly funk. It's amazing what a few people that believe in you can do for a person. I was able to ignore Diaz's brilliance and write my own drivel--which is what all authors write, drivel. What you do with the crap stain on your pages is up to you. Do you clean them up or let them stink? Plus, once I get this draft done, I think I'll be in a good spot to take a bit of a break, get my mind focused on something else for a few months, so I can come back to Eli's (my main character) world and kick his ass something fierce.

In other news, my wife and I went and saw Iron Man, preparing for today's release of The Incredible Hulk. Iron Man was much better the second time around--especially without the crappy audience, namely, a drunk thirteen year old that kept laughing at her friend's potty humor. I might slap together a mini-review for Filmmedium, since we have yet to put one up for this summer's blockbuster opener. A review should be up for The Incredible Hulk by Tuesday--at the latest. Logan is covering Shyamalan's first "R" feature, though I'll be checking it out soon enough. Not many films can compare with that man's sense of composition and camera movement.

Alright, I'll leave you on these positive notes and wish you all a lovely weekend.